I can be good. I can be better

When I was younger I used to run a lot. In fact I was actually quite sporty. Running, cycling, football, athletics.

I used to run to school in my uniform and run home. I always had to be the first, always winning. I was told I was quite unusual as I was a fast sprinter yet decent at long distance too. I broke the school record for the long jump, had county athletic trials for 100 metres, 200 metres, 400 metres and the long jump. The PE teacher called me "the athlete". My sprinting meant I had a really good finish after the 1500 metres or a cross country race.

However nobody encouraged me. Nobody pushed me. I wish somebody had done so.

I was also very good at football. I was naturally left footed which is generally quite rare and my speed and stamina meant I was a gifted left winger. Speed and agility was my gift. I would bunk off lessons to play football. I would miss lunch as that was a valuable hour playing football time. I would kick a football for hours on my own, perfecting skills, shots, dribbling, keepie uppies to over 350 without dropping the ball. I was told I could go on to good things.

I ended up playing for a couple of weekend football teams. I was the first out on the training field, the last back in. I was far better than a lot of the players. I was constantly being told I was too good to play on these dodgy cow fields, against ex cons and beer monsters. I knew it. I didn't know what to do about it.
However nobody encouraged me.

Nobody pushed me. I wish somebody had done so.

I kept myself fit by running. I would run most evenings. I also cycled a lot. My parents bought me a racing bike when I was a kid. I had that same bike up to my twenties. I would cycle for miles on that thing. It ended up being far too small. I didn't care. I felt free. I felt fit.

I got a knee injury playing football. Playing on bumpy, poorly maintained pitches took its toll. I had to limit the football to the odd 5 a side game and did more running and cycling.

By my mid 20's I was married and settled into a comfortable and routine way of life. Get up, go to work, get stressed, come home, dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Nights out a few times a week, holidays. Work took over. Work became my passion to win. I had to be successful. A winner. An achiever. I was. My life became sitting behind a desk, sitting behind a car wheel, sitting on the sofa, sitting in the pub.

That was my routine for the next 20 years. Something had to change.

I always look back and think what could have been. We all do it. We look at the past and think only what if, had I done that one thing or a few things my life now would be different. That's human nature. That's life. Please do not get me wrong. I do not regret anything. I married a wonderful person, she is my soul mate and a fantastic wife. I love her dearly. I love my life. I do wish I had kept up my fitness. I wish I had kept exercising. I am not over weight, I have always been careful what I eat. My health checks are exceptionally good for my age. I am healthy.

I could have done better. Things needed to change.

A few years ago I bought a bike. A cheap mountain bike. I wanted to get out there, back to feeling fit and free. It was great. After 5 miles I was knackered. I was unfit. I gradually built up the fitness and now do 20-30 miles a couple of times a week. It's great to get out from behind a desk and behind handlebars instead. I love it.

A couple of years ago I started running. I wanted to see how I felt physically and mentally, how my knee would hold up. My knee felt fine. My lungs felt on fire. My heart was pumping. I ran 2 miles without stopping. I felt like I was 10. I felt sick. I felt good. I lost interest. I was too unfit.

I carried on riding my bike. It was easier than running.

Getting the bike out when it's raining, cold, muddy was not fun. I wanted to try running again. All that cleaning and bike maintenance is ok now and again, not after every ride. It's less time consuming to just put trainers on and go for a walk or a run. I wanted to get out there. Go for a run.

I now run 5k quite easily. I'm going to get better at running again. All those people telling me when I was younger that I am good, that I can do better. I still see them now. They play in my head when I am knackered, when my lungs are burning, when my heart is about to burst from my chest and strangle me.