It's nearly October. It's that dreaded time of the year when we are force fed early Christmas crap by all the retailers. It's like we are the turkeys being force fed fat food ready for the final stuffing filler on Christmas day.
One night when I was about 6 years old, I couldn't sleep. I walked down stairs and into the lounge. There was my dad smoking a cigar and eating a plate of shortbread biscuits. I had left them out for Santa 6 hours earlier.
From that moment I realised Christmas was a load of bollocks.
I suppose now people leave out 2 cans of Special Brew and a Chinese takeaway for Santa.
The "bollockmas" starts in October. You see sad faced staff in shops stocking the shelves with tins of Quality Street, racks of tinsel, stacks of cards and all the other "bollockmas" shite whilst having "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday" playing on a loop over the speakers, knowing they will have to stock, sell, see and listen to all this shite until the January sales.
Poor bastards.
Then the January sales start for 2 more weeks of "bollockmas".
I will be ever grateful for my dad for introducing me at an early age to "bollockmas."
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