Car supermarkets are shit

A few years ago I was looking for a new car. I decided to visit a car supermarket.

This was my experience.

I was searching every day on Autotrader, the local press, eBay. It had to be from a trader as I needed to part-ex. I couldn't be without a car. One option was car supermarkets. If you don't know them they are large open places, full of gleaming cars and salesmen with matching gleaming smiles.

Both the cars and the salesmen are done up to look better than they really are.

I decided to visit my local such place.

I had seen a couple of cars on their website that I wanted to view. I drove there feeling all excited and feeling I may be driving away in a new pride and joy. I arrived at the gated complex of high fences, security guards and CCTV cameras and was greeted by a smiling but slightly grumpy salesman/security guard on the front gate.

What followed was a hard grilling session of direct questions that were spat in my face.

"What have you come here for today...what is your budget...are you test driving or just wandering around?"

I hadn't even driven into the complex or got out of my car. I answered the questions in a meek manor and was then instructed to drive in, park in a certain space and somebody will see me.

I did as instructed. I dared not. Fuck, what an unwelcome.

Eventually a schoolboy looking salesman dressed in an ill fitting suit wandered over to me.

The same questions that grumpy salesman/security guard had asked me, were then asked by the young lad. I gave the same answers as I was led into the main building of glass, full of too many bored salesman, even more bored customers and tired empty chairs in each corner.

He led me to one of the empty chairs. I was instructed to sit whilst the young lad then parrot fashioned with glazed over eyes, told me the rules and regulations of this car supermarket. If I wanted to test drive a car I had to first prove I had sufficient funds to pay £450 deposit. They would hold my driving licence and credit card whilst we both went for a test drive. Then if I liked the car we could do “the deal” today and I could drive it off the premises the same day. I then had to leave my credit card and driving licence with them whilst we went for a test drive.

The car was nice. In fact perfect. I had in my mind what I wanted to pay, my part ex price. I was ready to "do the deal." The young lad looked over my car and said "Nice, what do you want for a part ex price?" I wasn't going to say. So I didn't. I told him I wanted his best price. He said "If I could offer you around £1800 trade in for yours, would you be interested in doing the deal?" I was amazed as to how easy this was. Perfect. Ideal car test driven and was straight away offered an excellent price for mine.

This was easy.

So in we walked, back to the overly large glass building, past the bored salesman and unhappy customers. Back to the empty chairs in the corner. Here we sat whilst we ran over the "deal" again. Price agreed for part-ex, price of test driven car negotiated down with a few hundred pounds off.

Easy.

Then off he skipped to check with his boss that his ever so hard selling was text book.

His boss waddled over, looking extremely unhappy that he had to deal with another customer.

Down he sat, coffee in hand, tie all a mess. He was a fucking mess.

"So you want this car" he said.

"Yes, I do" I said, with a large smile.

"Well, we can offer you £350 trade in for your, er old banger."

I was shocked. He called it an old banger and only offered me £350.

I said, "Hang on, it's not an old banger and your salesman here offered me £1800 trade in."

He looked at me, then at the salesman (who was bright red and looking at the floor), then back at me.

He then produced a screwed up piece of paper and said, "Look, it's not me, it's what it says here on this piece of paper that what tells me the value of trade in."

I was completely gob smacked. I struggled to speak.

I said "I don't care, your salesman told me he could give me £1800 trade in, now you say £350! I want £1800."

He looked at me, with hate in his eyes.

"Look", he spat. "This is all I can do."

"This lad here may have said £1800, yet I don't believe you. Anyway he's a trainee so we are all helping him out. Do you want it or not?"

I was completely shocked. I sat there, not saying a word. I stood up, said "well he needs a better teacher."

I walked out.

A couple of days later, the same young lad called me.

"We have another car in. Ideal for you. When can you come in and do the deal?"

I told him in as little words as I could be bothered to use, that they wasted my time and I'm not interested.

I hung up.

He called me back. "We can offer £1K trade in now. When can you come back in?" he asked enthusiastically.

I told him I'll think about it and ended the call.

A week later I received a call from another salesman.

"We have a sale on, many cars have been reduced, we have got 3 cars in that I know you will want. When can you come in?"

I again reiterated my comment regarding the trade in value.

"Yeah I know, we can do the £1k trade in now, pop in."

So I arranged to see them the next day.

I followed the same procedure as on the previous visit. Test drove a car I was interested in. Got down to the deal stage again. This time they offered me £250 trade in. I protested and told them again the whole story, including the phone call back offering me the £1k. Why a few days later had that suddenly been reduced?

The young salesman said to me, "between you and me, they told me to tell you the £1K to get you back in here."

I was disgusted. I told him so. He bought his boss over. I again told him the whole story.

He said, "Well look. That's the book price. We didn't offer you the £1k, if any other garage does they must be mad. Have you got one of my cards?"

I took it from him, threw it in his face, told him to "fuck off" and never waste my time again. I walked out.

I hate car supermarkets. They are run by useless fucking fat pigs.